Power Exchange, Kink, and BDSM: Here are the fundamentals you need to know

Power Exchange, Kink, and BDSM Word Cloud

Power exchange, Kink and BDSM

Power exchange, Kink, and BDSM are often used interchangeable in society, despite subtle but important reasons for the usage of the word. Power exchange is a clinical sounding, non-sexually charged umbrella term for all of the dynamics and activities that fall under kink and BDSM. The practice typically involves the one partner (referred to as the Dominant or Top) taking on a giving role during sex, while the other (referred to as the submissive of bottom) receives. In society, the words 'kink' and 'BDSM' are socially linked to culturally induced sexually mortal ethics which can significantly vary from person to person. Professionals or businesses that use the words kink or BDSM in their titles often have issues legitimizing their businesses with core financial services like banking or social media marketing.

Kink is “….engaging in behaviors that generate a certain power dynamic, experiencing attraction towards acts with a certain power dynamic, and adopting an identity that conveys a certain power dynamic.” (1). B.D.S.M. is a acronym that brings together the core areas of kink into a single umbrella term that honors the individual interests of the respective subcultures within it:

• Bondage and Discipline (B/D) are grouped together but are two separate interests. Bondage is the consensual immobilization of the submissive partner in a gratifying way. (2) Discipline is where the Dominant consensually uses rules, limitations, rewards, and punishments to create a sense of structure and control that the submissive is expected to follow. (3)

• Dominance and submission (D/S) is a set of negotiated and consensual behaviors, customs, and rituals involving the submission of one person to another in an erotic episode or lifestyle. (4)

• Sadism/masochism (S/M) is the consensual giving and receiving of pleasure from acts involving the receipt or infliction of pain or humiliation. (5)

Is Kink and BDSM Still Considered a Medical Disorder?

Historically, mental health experts were concerned about whether those who practiced kink and BDSM were mentally healthy. However, in 2013 the American Psychiatric Association took a significant step forward in destigmatizing kink with the release of the updated Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). For the first time in modern history, the guidelines drew a clear distinction between consenting adults who engage in consensual sexual behaviors such as B.D.S.M., and those who coerce or force others to engage in behaviors without consent. (3). “BDSM is a healthy expression of sexuality,” says Filippo M. Nimbi, PhD, a researcher at the Institute of Clinical Sexology and in the department of dynamic and clinical psychology at Sapienza University, both in Rome. Dr. Nimbi co-authored a study that found that the BDSM partitioners overall tended to report fewer sexual problems than the general population. (6)

Communication and Consent

The hallmarks of power exchange (we will use this term to cover all of BDSM and kink) is communication and consent. These core concepts distinguish power exchange activities from abuse and psychopathology due to the presence of mutually informed consent of all parties involved. (7) Power exchange practitioners embrace communication and consent much more then just a best practice, it is engrained into their culture. Practitioners seek out connection with like-minded individuals who share similar interests in power exchange activities and values involving communication and consent; ultimately forming power-exchange focused communities. These power exchange communities form a culture where its members demand explicit rather than implied consent. They require verbal (and in many cases written) communication and negotiation about the limits and boundaries of all parties involved, as well as the mutual definition of any consented-upon activities, before engaging. (8). The communities protect their members by screening out potential members who don't share similar values, and mentor new members who do.

Kink and BDSM Community Etiquette and Vetting

Understanding social etiquette and protocols quickly becomes important in navigating the power exchange community, especially for new practitioners looking to connect, learn from, and experiment with experienced practitioners. Power exchange communities are typically very inclusive of all types of people into their community, however these groups can be exclusive to those who match their specific value set. The quickest way to be exclude from a community is to break one of their core values. (9)

Almost all power exchange communities will have a high expectation of consent and communication. As we discussed earlier these are the hallmarks of power exchange. Give people respect and space. Never assume you may touch or hug anyone with out asking first. Be polite, respectful, and don't be aggressive with trying to make new friends. Let it happen organically.

Lastly you have to match the desire value of the group. This means what you are looking for has to match what they are looking for. An example would be if there is an event that is specifically for submissives to network and connect but you are a male Dominant, you will most likely be excluded from this group. Its nothing person against you as a person. What you are looking for out of the group, is not what they are looking to get out of the group.

REFERENCES:

1. Keenan, J. (2014). Is kink a sexual orientation? Outward: Expanding the LGBTQ Conversation. http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/08/18/is_kink_a_sexual_orientation.html

2. Tee-Melegrito, R, (2022). What to know about bondage sex. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-bondage-sex

3. Richters, Juliet; De Visser, Richard O.; Rissel, Chris E.; Grulich, Andrew E.; Smith, Anthony M.A. (July 2008). "Demographic and Psychosocial Features of Participants in Bondage and Discipline, "Sadomasochism" or Dominance and Submission (BDSM): Data from a National Survey". The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 5 (7): 1660–1668.

4. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR) https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm.

5. Murray, Thomas Edward; Murrell, Thomas R. (1989). The Language of Sadomasochism: A Glossary and Linguistic Analysis. Westport, CT: Greenwood Publishing Group. pp. 7–8. ISBN 978-0-313-26481-8.

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7. Dunkley, C and Brotto, L. The Role of Consent in the Context of BDSM. Sage Journals: Sexual Abuse I-22. https://med-fom-brotto.sites.olt.ubc.ca/files/2019/04/Dunkley-Brotto-Sexual-Abuse.pdf

8. Taylor, G. W., & Ussher, J. M. (2001). Making sense of S&M: A discourse analytic account. Sexualities, 4, 293-314. doi:10.1177/136346001004003002

9. Masri, J (20`17) Dungeon Etiquette. akinkshrink.com: https://www.akinkshrink.com/2017/08/dungeon-etiquette/