The Munch: From Denny’s to a BDSM Tradition

The BDSM community is full of unique traditions, but few are as universally recognized as the munch. A munch is a casual, social gathering of kinksters in a vanilla setting—typically at a restaurant, café, or pub—where people can meet, talk, and connect without the pressures of a play party. But where did the term come from, and how did it become such an essential part of the BDSM scene?

The Origins of the Munch

Like many great ideas, the munch started with a small group of people looking for a better way to connect. The earliest recorded munches date back to the early 1990s in Palo Alto, California, where a Usenet user known as “Biff” organized casual meetups at a local Denny’s [1]. These gatherings weren’t about play or protocol—they were just a way for like-minded people to meet in a low-pressure environment and enjoy a meal together.

The term “munch” itself is thought to be a portmanteau of “munch” (as in eating) and “lunch.” The name was catchy, and soon, others started using it to describe similar meetups in their own communities [2].

The Growth and Evolution of Munches

As BDSM communities expanded, so did the concept of munches. In the early days, they were often organized through online forums, personal websites, and mailing lists. With the rise of platforms like FetLife, it became easier than ever for people to find local munches and connect with others in the scene [3].

Munches serve multiple purposes. For newcomers, they offer a safe and low-stakes introduction to the community—no dungeons, no expectations, just conversation over coffee or burgers. For experienced kinksters, they provide a way to maintain connections, exchange ideas, and build a stronger local scene. They also play a crucial role in vetting; many BDSM groups require attending a munch before joining play events, ensuring that new members understand the community’s culture and expectations [4].

Munches Today

Today, munches are a staple of BDSM communities worldwide. They’ve expanded beyond restaurants—some groups host picnics, bar nights, or even themed gatherings. While the setting may change, the core idea remains the same: a munch is a space where kinksters can be themselves, make connections, and build a sense of community.

At their heart, munches reflect what makes the BDSM scene special—consent, communication, and the belief that connection is just as important as play. Whether you’re a seasoned veteran or brand new to kink, a munch is always a great place to start.

References

1. Wiseman, J. (1996). SM 101: A realistic introduction. Greenery Press.

2. Kinkly. (n.d.). Munch. In Sex terms. Retrieved from https://www.kinkly.com/definition/113/munch

3. Taormino, T. (2012). The ultimate guide to kink: BDSM, role play and the erotic edge. Cleis Press.

4. BDSM Education Society. (n.d.). History of munches. Retrieved from https://www.bdsm-education.org/history-of-munches